Title : Empty
Author : Emy (thefrenchgirl2)
Pairing : Dominic Monaghan/Elijah Wood implied, Pam/Elijah.
Rating : Uh… I don’t know?! PG?
Summary : Elijah talks in his sleep, has been so since childhood. A string of unintelligible words; nonsense it is. But Pam always likes to listen.
Disclaimer : Never happened… Although, I like to think it did. ;)
Author’s note : I was listening to Julia by Pavlov’s Dog and it just came, suddenly. Took me an hour or so…
Feedback would make my day ! :)
Dom…Dom… Empty…So empty…
Elijah talks in his sleep, has been so since childhood. A string of unintelligible words; nonsense it is. But Pam always likes to listen, watch his fin face features, his long eye-lashes resting on his pale cheeks, his soft lips slightly parted, from which escape, in sighs or murmurs, incomprehensible sentences. She enjoys these moments when, finally, she feels as if he lets her in, opens his frozen heart. Because Elijah, as she knows him, is not the warm-hearted, friendly, happy Elijah. No… This young man is cold, hard… empty. But it’s him she has fallen in love with, despite all these facts.
It’s hard, Dom… I can’t do it anymore… Can’t…
It is not unusual for Pam to stay at Elijah’s; after all, they’ve been together for more than four years. Even though, she wonders in these moments how long will it have to be before he allows her moving in – another few years is it ? But Elijah needs space, he’s an actor, producer – whatever – and he can be gone for months. Pam is used to it, she understands, she loves him after all – doesn’t she ?
Miss you…Can’t hold it…
But something is unusual tonight, a feeling, a sensation. Pam’s heart is constricted : Elijah never talks to anyone in his sleep. It would usually be a few murmurs about his upcoming movie, a thought that would occur to him – although he would never remember it in the morning – or just a simple confession which would always make her smile. But this time, it was different, and suddenly she wonders if Elijah had been sad lately.
Where are you ? ... She... Her... with you ?
Elijah shivers, curls up a bit more into a ball, the pale sheets falling slightly to his slender hips as he moves in a light whimper. A foetus, so fragile, Pam thinks.
They had made love tonight, the first time since Elijah had come back from filming. Pam had waited for this moment for months.
He had greeted her with a sweet chaste-kiss on the lips as she came through the door. They’d had a beautiful dinner – nothing was burnt or overcooked – on a very nicely dressed table : flowers, candles. So romantic, Pam had thought. When they’d finished, he’d guided her to his room.
It was slow, affectionate, but there were no lust, no words spoken and when he’d came, he gently rolled off her, eliciting a moan from her spent body. In the next seconds, he was drifting off to sleep.
Leave… Empty… Not here, always empty… Always.
When Pam had first met Elijah, the first thing she had noticed was his eyes. These infamous blue eyes, criticized sometimes for there hugeness, she’d seen them many times on-screen – because who’d never seen Elijah Wood, fucking Frodo he was ! Except, when they were there, looking at her in the eye, she only saw sadness, emptiness, all laughter drawn out of them. But he had known happiness. It was obvious it had died somewhere behind, died with someone.
Go back… Wanna go back…
Elijah’s presence is never awkward. Pam likes it, because he’s always smiling, always gentle and caring, although his eyes give him away. He’s most of the time in a good mood, never angry at her – oh, well, they’ve had fights before, only casual ones; that doesn’t count really – but the true joy is never there. In their first kiss, she had given him her heart, thinking the light would come back in his, wanting to cure him. But he never spoke about anything… well, anything truly personal at least. One day, she had him confess a heartbreak, once… Few years ago, was it. No details… No trust. He’s just reserved, she’d thought. And if she had to tell the truth, Pam would say she liked it that way. She didn’t want to know.
Exhausting… Can’t breathe…
Pam looks at the body lain on its side, facing her. For the first time, she sees the vulnerable Elijah… At first, she’d never thought about him in that kind of way, even asleep, his nonsense babbling filling the room. Who hurt you, Lij ? And for the first time she wants to know… Because she’s aware best-friend-Dominic knows; she’s aware Billy, Sean, Orlando, Viggo know… She’s aware his mother and Hannah know. Why not me ? Tell me… Let me in.
No…I don’t want to…
As if he had heard her. Pam sighs loudly : she’s thinking too much. She won’t get any sleep tonight. 3:24 a.m. She looks at her boyfriend one last time. He seems so peaceful, not restless anymore as he had been the last time she saw him. Moving slightly towards him, she presses her lips against his in a soft kiss. She loves him. She loves the mysterious blue-eyed boy.
In a swift movement, she slips out of bed and, grabbing the blue shirt he’d been wearing hours before which was now discarded on the floor, pulling it over her shoulders, she pads along to the kitchen, leaving the pale boy alone in the bed that was far too big for him.
I love you… Not her… Never her… Only you… Only you, Dom… Always.